Bees

The project I'm working on has a number of elements. It began as a few ideas, which at the time felt like too few, and too simple. I've learned that ideas mature if you sit on them for a while; also that although the initial pieces of work are often made to be abandoned, it's a necessary part of a process I call 'first thoughts, second thoughts, third thoughts' - as the thinking about it deepens.
Since last writing, I've got through the fear and the "what's the point?" moments, which are total cripplers. Note to self: the point is irrelevant. Making is the thing that I have to give. It's also my voice and there are things I want to say.
    As I work, new ideas arrive - they are noted and now put to one side for later. Those first few ideas led me into new and unfamiliar ways of working. Starting on several new pieces at once, I lost focus and felt overwhelmed. The plan now is to get one element at a time sorted so each one can be ongoing as I work out the next bit. At the same time, the tucked-away ideas can be simmering gently.
   The first of the ongoing ideas is Bees.

  It now seems as if it all came 'right' almost immediately, but my notebook reminds me it was weeks of trying different colours for the printing and various fabrics / threads. Admittedly I was working very slowly. Muslin was my first choice but it's too soft - organdie worked perfectly. Eventually it did come together and when I hung the first finished panels, the effect was what I'd hoped for ... the ghosts of bees.

The print is fainter on one side and as the light changes the bees become less or more visible. Some of them are stitched and some have cellophane wings added, which catch the light.
    Figures vary as to how many bees live in a hive; a reasonable average seems to be 50,000 in the summer months. I'm aiming to make 1,000.  Well, that's the plan.
   
     The thread for each bee is 65cm. At this point I could make out that as a result of research, this reflects the 6-7 week life span of  summer bees. Actually, it was random...having cut the first thread, I then decided to make them all the same length. The stitching starts and finishes in random places - the ends are left visible, signifying the thread of life. It was while working on bee 130 (probably) that I thought the stitching is like the 'dance' of the bees.

As I was playing around with some of the trial pieces, this idea arrived ... what I wanted was to enclose a single bee between two pieces of glass. Folding over the organdie occluded the bee - made it even more of a ghost ... it is visible only with light behind it. I spent hours online fruitlessly looking for a solution and the card is a temporary arrangement.

   
140 bees so far.

   

making it back

It's taken three hours to get back on...I last wrote three years ago and had forgotten how to sign in. The relief of discovering that my blog isn't lost, is enormous.
Right now I'm working on a project which is taking me in new directions. There are lots of ideas, some of which I have no idea yet how to actually, physically make.
When I started this blog, it was in part a way of committing to continue making, because even if no-one saw it, it was "out there" in the world and not just in my intentions and my head. The current work is still a small, tender, green shoot . So tender it could easily wither from a sharp snap of "what's the point?" So much of what I'm doing is unfamiliar.
So I'm coming back because being on here I commit to turning up with something to show.

Tentative beginnings ... I think I'm on model 5C by now, and of course the initial idea changes with each one I make...

...and some attempts simply do not work. This was built with newspaper, wire wrapped around it and the paper burned out...almost total collapse of shape but the wire has an interesting texture. Try again, fail again, fail better...

More experiments... rust printing. One of the first attempts, on paper, with stitch added.

And there are happy accidents. This was the drawing I used under fabric, to guide placement of the bits of metal/wire. As it was thin and fragile decoupage medium was used to stick it to muslin, and at this point I also discovered that adding tea leaves makes black spots. All new to me...

So much 'new to me' stuff ... yes, there is an excitement and there are also shaky moments (days) when the discomfort of  "I don't know what I'm doing and it's all been done before anyway" is too much.
It's not reassurance or comfort or solutions or jollying along that I need then.... it's a safe space in which to simply say "I'm scared".