making it back

It's taken three hours to get back on...I last wrote three years ago and had forgotten how to sign in. The relief of discovering that my blog isn't lost, is enormous.
Right now I'm working on a project which is taking me in new directions. There are lots of ideas, some of which I have no idea yet how to actually, physically make.
When I started this blog, it was in part a way of committing to continue making, because even if no-one saw it, it was "out there" in the world and not just in my intentions and my head. The current work is still a small, tender, green shoot . So tender it could easily wither from a sharp snap of "what's the point?" So much of what I'm doing is unfamiliar.
So I'm coming back because being on here I commit to turning up with something to show.

Tentative beginnings ... I think I'm on model 5C by now, and of course the initial idea changes with each one I make...

...and some attempts simply do not work. This was built with newspaper, wire wrapped around it and the paper burned out...almost total collapse of shape but the wire has an interesting texture. Try again, fail again, fail better...

More experiments... rust printing. One of the first attempts, on paper, with stitch added.

And there are happy accidents. This was the drawing I used under fabric, to guide placement of the bits of metal/wire. As it was thin and fragile decoupage medium was used to stick it to muslin, and at this point I also discovered that adding tea leaves makes black spots. All new to me...

So much 'new to me' stuff ... yes, there is an excitement and there are also shaky moments (days) when the discomfort of  "I don't know what I'm doing and it's all been done before anyway" is too much.
It's not reassurance or comfort or solutions or jollying along that I need then.... it's a safe space in which to simply say "I'm scared".